True Love

True Love

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Itsy Bitsy Spider.......

so this is a half dollar siza BLACK WIDOW, in Braden's Garage

I captured it underneath this cup, ya they are strong it moved the whole cup when I let go

Mom told me to spray it with bug spray, but oh wait it didnt want to die soooo...

Braden decided to torch it... and that finally killed it...

We did it... it was very scary we HATE HATE HATE SPIDERS...

Engagements By: Laura Warner

Monday, May 18, 2009

A Mother's Love Endure's All"

My mothers day was great filled with lots of love. It was a great visit, we wend to lunch at TC Eggingtons. Very yummy. Evie was very giggle. it was Hillarious. Lynzie and Daniel call it her Teradacle cry. its way funny. i love how big she is getting... THANK YOU DANIEL AND LYNZIE FOR MAKING MY MOTHERS DAY AMAZING. Saturday was hard after leaving Evelyn, Braden and I drove up to Holbrook to spend the weekend with his Family, and it was a hard drive for me i felt like breaking down and did once... Sunday I had PLANNED it being hard but it ended up being a wonderful day. Bradend dad made Mothers day Breakfast and I was included and had some gifts to open and chruch was easier than I thought. My mother got me a beautiful necklace that is a heart that says mother daughter friend and a plaque that says " A Mother's Love Endure's All" she wrote me a very sweet note that i will alway cherish. I love my mother and all the support she has shown me even though this was her first grandchild she still brags and shows her pictures off to everyone especially work.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Birthmother's Day!

I am posting this a day early as I will be in Holbrook, Az with Braden and his family. I didn’t think this first Mother’s day would be so hard, I have been doing so well coping with my placement, but just today it has all hit me as I get ready to see Lynzie, Daniel and Evelyn for a Mother’s Day lunch, I know I will not cry, I know I will be happy. I am excited to see them all tommorrow it has been about a month or 2 since i last saw them. it will be a bittersweet day. I love my visits because i dont hurt when i leave i am sad but it goes away after a bit of time a small amount then i am fine. the goodbyes are never goodbyes but see you laters. The visits have helped me the last 6 1/2 months and made placement alot easier. Thank you Lynzie and Daniel for all the many visits. I am grateful that Lynzie is able to finally celebrate her First Mother’s Day, it has been long waited.. Happy Mother’s Day Lynzie and all the other Mothers and BIRTHMOTHERS.

Birthmother’s Day and Mother’s Day
On this day I ache. There is something missing.
Missing is Evelyn, she is with her Mother, her Parent.
My heart longs to have her back in my arms, to feed her and put her sleep, I know she is in a good home with wonderful parents and an amazing mother who loves her so much.
I am a Mom, a good Mom, One who gave her daughter more, gave her a gift.
It’s not that I wasn’t capable of being a Mother, cause I was capable in everyway imaginable, but Evelyn DESERVED more, a father and mother and the priesthood and so much more she gets from her family and extended family.
I am a Mom and Always will be. TWO Mothers will always love Evelyn.

Explanation of Birthmother's day:
Birthmother's day is a day to celebrate and honor our birthmotherhood. Its a day to reflect on the choice we made and the life we gave. Its a day to recognize, that we are good mothers who made the ultimate sacrifice for our children.
History on Birthmother's Day:
Birthmother's Day is celebrated the Saturday before Mother's Day. It originated in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle, Washington. Most birthmothers will agree that Mother's Day is a very painful holiday and these women wanted to create something that would honor their birthmotherhood.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

6 months

It has been 6 long quick months, I cant believe how time flies.
As friends have babies I realize now that I have hidden my feelings and now I start to grieve the loss of my precious angel Evelyn. I never once have regretted placing Evelyn with her loving parents. She is a blessing in my life.
She changed my life, brought me back to church, and taught me the meaning of Eternal Families.
I am not sad of the choice I made, I just grieve, she grew 9 long months with me, the 3 days in the hospital were the most amazing 3 days of my life, to feed her and wake up to her cries in the middle of the night, to sooth her and watch her sleep. To hold her in my arms and never put her down. Many people told me “oh, don’t hold your daughter, it will be to hard to let her go” “don’t have her in the room with you, leave her in the nursery” For me having her with me, I got the chance to be a mother to her, to learn what her cries mean, to know what she needs and to just be with her and for her to feel the love I have for her is why she stayed in my room and I fed her and loved her.
As I left the hospital, pushed in a wheel chair with her in my arms, seeing Daniel and Lynzie, waiting to take this Gift from God home with them was the hardest thing to do. As I placed her in her carseat, kissed her goodbye, I knew it was not goodbye but, see you. I buckled her in kissed her and told her I love her, and that I will never forget her, that was the toughest time. On October 31, 2008 I meet Daniel and Lynzie at LDS Family Services with my Mother and Sister and the Birthfather to sign my rights. I held her, we all held her, said out see you laters, I talked to her and told her that I will never forget her and that I will always be her too even though I am far away, she will be with her Parents who love her so much. As I signed the final signature saying I was no longer her Mother, she opened her eyes when I asked her if she was ready to go to her family, she looked at me and I knew, I knew I was doing the right thing, even though it hurt so much. The overwhelming spirit in that room was amazing, I received confirmation of my decision and knew Daniel and Lynzie were her parents. There was no longer sadness in the room but peace and happiness. I know she was meant for them. My gratitude for them grow strong each and everyday.
Yes I miss that little angel every second of everyday, but what gets me through each day are the many pictures and emails of how much progress she is making and seeing the places she has been too.
The visits I get have helped ease the pain. Seeing her Dad feed her and look up at her with such love. Seeing her Mother get her to laugh and giggle makes me smile to big my cheeks hurt. They are BETTER parents for Evelyn Gisele. I love them and am so grateful.