True Love

True Love

Sunday, May 3, 2009

6 months







It has been 6 long quick months, I cant believe how time flies.
As friends have babies I realize now that I have hidden my feelings and now I start to grieve the loss of my precious angel Evelyn. I never once have regretted placing Evelyn with her loving parents. She is a blessing in my life.
She changed my life, brought me back to church, and taught me the meaning of Eternal Families.
I am not sad of the choice I made, I just grieve, she grew 9 long months with me, the 3 days in the hospital were the most amazing 3 days of my life, to feed her and wake up to her cries in the middle of the night, to sooth her and watch her sleep. To hold her in my arms and never put her down. Many people told me “oh, don’t hold your daughter, it will be to hard to let her go” “don’t have her in the room with you, leave her in the nursery” For me having her with me, I got the chance to be a mother to her, to learn what her cries mean, to know what she needs and to just be with her and for her to feel the love I have for her is why she stayed in my room and I fed her and loved her.
As I left the hospital, pushed in a wheel chair with her in my arms, seeing Daniel and Lynzie, waiting to take this Gift from God home with them was the hardest thing to do. As I placed her in her carseat, kissed her goodbye, I knew it was not goodbye but, see you. I buckled her in kissed her and told her I love her, and that I will never forget her, that was the toughest time. On October 31, 2008 I meet Daniel and Lynzie at LDS Family Services with my Mother and Sister and the Birthfather to sign my rights. I held her, we all held her, said out see you laters, I talked to her and told her that I will never forget her and that I will always be her too even though I am far away, she will be with her Parents who love her so much. As I signed the final signature saying I was no longer her Mother, she opened her eyes when I asked her if she was ready to go to her family, she looked at me and I knew, I knew I was doing the right thing, even though it hurt so much. The overwhelming spirit in that room was amazing, I received confirmation of my decision and knew Daniel and Lynzie were her parents. There was no longer sadness in the room but peace and happiness. I know she was meant for them. My gratitude for them grow strong each and everyday.
Yes I miss that little angel every second of everyday, but what gets me through each day are the many pictures and emails of how much progress she is making and seeing the places she has been too.
The visits I get have helped ease the pain. Seeing her Dad feed her and look up at her with such love. Seeing her Mother get her to laugh and giggle makes me smile to big my cheeks hurt. They are BETTER parents for Evelyn Gisele. I love them and am so grateful.

2 comments:

audra said...

Heather I remember that day well. You were so amazing and so strong. What an example you are to her! You deserve the choicest blessings Heavenly Father has to offer and it's not a job, but a privilege to have watched you through the whole process!

Katarina said...

Heather I think your amazing! I didnt know you very well when you had Evelyn and that day we went to see you at the hospital for group I almost didnt go. You are such a strong and amazing woman! I am so greatful to get to know you, your awesome and Eve will always know that you loved her!